Saturday, December 31, 2005

How to Act Around Sushi

A few brushup reminders when going to a sushi restaurant. Like never asking the sushi chef about his secret past. Or batting an eye when you are served endangered species. (Bad manners, don't you know..) And remembering to say 'toh-toh-toh-toh' while someone pours beer for you.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Secretary of State Powell's Chief of Staff

Alone among those who surrounded Mr. Powell in the first term, he is speaking out critically, assailing the president as amateurish, especially compared to the first President Bush, and describing the administration as secretive, inept and courting disaster at home and abroad. Nor has he spared his former boss, whom he says was overly preoccupied with "damage control" for policies set by others.

"What I saw was a cabal between the vice president of the United States, Richard Cheney, and the secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld, on critical issues that made decisions that the bureaucracy did not know were being made," Mr. Wilkerson said in a well-publicized speech at the New America Foundation in October. "And you've got a president who is not versed in international relations and not too much interested in them either," he added in the speech.

Mr. Wilkerson has also attacked the Bush administration for allegedly condoning torture and setting lax policies on treatment of detainees that led, he charges, to the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq and the black eye they gave to the United States Army.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Ex-Nixon Administration Members Get it On

"That someone...Don,...It's you."
"What?"
"Yep," Cheney peeped, "I-I....I love you. ...There I fucking said it!" Cheney felt rather awkward saying it but he knew that's what he believed. Rumsfeld was speechless. He blushed a deep red and let out a faint laugh.

Cheney then looked up at Rumsfeld. His dark gaze leered at Rumsfeld, hypnotizing him to overcome a feeling of lust. A desire.
"Oh, Dick..." Rumsfeld nudged Cheney against a wall and stared deeper into his dark eyes. Rumsfeld couldn't help but touch Cheney's lips with his.

“Holy mackerel...that’s funny! I had a similar feeling about you!” Rumsfeld giggled as he kissed the side of Cheney's mouth hysterically. Rumsfeld let his tongue go for Cheney's ear.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Perpetual "War" for Indefinite Power

"The result is that the president's wartime powers, with its armies, battles, victories, and congressional declarations, now extend to the rhetorical "War on Terror": a war with no fronts, no boundaries, no opposing army, and -- most ominously -- no knowable "victory." Investigations, arrests and trials are not tools of war. But according to the Yoo memo, the president can define war however he chooses, and remain "at war" for as long as he chooses.

This is indefinite dictatorial power. And I don't use that term lightly; the very definition of a dictatorship is a system that puts a ruler above the law. In the weeks after 9/11, while America and the world were grieving, Bush built a legal rationale for a dictatorship. Then he immediately started using it to avoid the law."
------------
"This is not a partisan issue between Democrats and Republicans; it's a president unilaterally overriding the Fourth Amendment, Congress and the Supreme Court. Unchecked presidential power has nothing to do with how much you either love or hate George W. Bush. You have to imagine this power in the hands of the person you most don't want to see as president, whether it be Dick Cheney or Hillary Rodham Clinton, Michael Moore or Ann Coulter.

Laws are what give us security against the actions of the majority and the powerful. If we discard our constitutional protections against tyranny in an attempt to protect us from terrorism, we're all less safe as a result."

Monday, December 19, 2005

Friday, December 16, 2005

Bush Violates Fourth Amendment

It was revealed today that court-appointed White House resident George W. Bush has been violating the Fourth Amendment since 2002 by "authorizing" the National Security Administration (NSA) to wiretap phone lines in the United States without a court order, in direct violation of the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America which specifically prohibits illegal (non-court ordered) search and seizure by the United States government.

Many in the NSA refused to carry out this blatantly illegal and unconstitutional order to "search for terrorists". The chief judge of the 11 on the FISA surveillance court abruptly quit. My hat goes off to these defenders of a basic tenet of the Bill of Rights, while our purported Commander-in-Chief breaks the oath of office. How is this abuse of power different from McCarthy's tyrannical search for "Communists" at every corner? Did we learn nothing from J Edgar Hoover's blatantly illegal activities? Or Nixon's?

The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) was developed specifically as a response to Nixon using the NSA to spy on the American people. It's role is to emphasize the constitutionally mandated check by the judicial system on the executive branch by creating a court to review each case of surveillance including wiretapping for approval or rejection.

This is not at all ironic when you consider that Cheney, a former Nixon administration official (along with Rumsfeld) placed himself on the short list for Vice President. His most recent comment demonstrates both his pining for the Nixon administration-era power grab mentality, while also implying as an ex-Nixon employee that illegal wiretaps were probably his idea: "Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday called for "strong and robust" presidential powers, saying executive authority has eroded since the Watergate and Vietnam eras."

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Fabio


Ok, did everyone already know about this except me? Fabio riding a rollercoaster and a bird flies into his face? And his publicist said "Oh my god! Think if his mouth was open!"

How did I miss this?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Plant a Seed

Talk to it, watch it grow. Online.

80's Commercials You Forgot About

China and the Rule of Law

I've long disliked the 'government' of China for one main reason - the concept that there is an elite that is 'better' and tells people what to do and justifies it, simultaneously blaming their actions on the people they are treating as individuals without humanity - while never looking at or discussing their own foibles. No one is better than anyone else. Period. I loathe all people that do this; especially politicians, and the fattest of them all: Karl "the Ass" Rove. He'll push any guilt/blame button he can think of while simultaneously repositioning himself as innocent to force any agenda through - simply because he has the power, and idiot judicially appointed clientele to do so.

Anyway - this fair and balanced article I thought was interesting - discussing the reality of the rule of law in-depth against the hypocrisy of the Chinese government. True successors of Deng Xiopeng - where have you gone?

Sunday, December 04, 2005

The Comic Adventures of Lethem & Chabon

Two vaguely (un)interesting authors that appeal to the Norman Mailer set team up as superheroes.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Chris Whitley, Wesley Willis, Daniel T. Johnston


Growing up I listened to Daniel T. Johnston in High School thanks to Adam - with a happy smirk. I could never figure out if his music was tongue-in-cheek or if he was truly nuts. After checking out a biography of him from the library I realized he was brilliant and insane - like Dali or Blake. Years later Kurt Cobain discovered him.

Wesley Willis certainly is one of these - and if you need an irreverent Christmas tome that will get you through the next few weeks (don't go to Wal-Mart - that will help quite a bit..) listen to 'Kris Kringle was a Car Thief' on this site. And then listen to everything else when you have time. Unfortunately Willis and Whitley are no longer with us, but their music is.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Mars Isn't Red


My theory has always been that both the Moon and Mars landings actually took place in New Mexico and Nevada. The pictures on this site only prove that a red filter has been intentionally used for pictures of Mars for decades.

And as we all know - repeat it with me - everything on the internet is TRUE...

Friday, November 18, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Arctic National Wildlife Refuge Oil Drilling

The Senate voted today to drill for oil in the Alaskan Arctic Wildlife Refuge - 52-47. Fucking pricks.

Suprisingly Coleman voted against it, despite intense pressure from the Bush administration. Coleman, handpicked by the administration, followed by Wellstone's fatal biplane "accident", had said in his campaign that he'd vote against arctic oil drilling. (Though he's voted for plenty of other intensely fascist things like Real ID.)

What pisses me off more than anything is the Federal Government controverting decades of its own precedent going back to Teddy Roosevelt setting aside National Parks and Refuges. Apparently all it takes is a scum sucking company like Exxon (who already cost taxpayers 4.5 BILLION dollars in cleanup after their drunk tanker ship captain capsized the Valdez off the coast of Alaska) to make suggestions, and it's a done deal. The oil contingent has been aggressively trying to take over government since the Eisenhower administration. Even Nixon turned them down. But bitchwad Bush and his crony criminals are open for big business deals. It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat or not, if you don't think that the United States government is a discount store for multinational corporations, or an overpaying subsidizer of the military industrial complex to drain the treasury in order to blame anyone left in government that believes in investing in the country istelf - then don't vote for Neo-Con Airhead Republicans. Duh.

And here's the supposed benefit: TEN YEARS from now, with the amount that's drilled there, gas prices will reduce ONE CENT PER GALLON. This is worth it? It helps to have Vice Resident Darth Cheney and a Secretary of State who literally have Exxon tankers NAMED after them. What's next, Disney taking over Jellystone Park?

UPDATE: "The spending battle now heads to the House, where Republicans are divided over whether to cut more deeply across a broader range of social programs. Also, House GOP leaders may remove a provision that allows drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge....It appears increasingly likely that protests from moderates will force House GOP leaders to drop the oil drilling plan and revisit it in final compromise talks with the Senate."

Hitchcock

Hitchcock started making films in the silent movie era, working on 17 films before 1925 in the UK. He went on to make nine more silent films until his last silent and first sound films in 1929. He went on to make 15 more in Great Britain over the next 11 years until he hit Hollywood in 1940. From there he made 29 more films in the U.S. until his last in 1976.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Toonces Videos

Bob and Matt saw a cat at the Humane Society whose mouth was always partially open for some reason, so they took it home and named it Toonces.

It died a year later as I recall.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Zines

I used to read Beer Frame religiously...

The Truth

Type here and find out the truth. Like climbing a mountain to find the truth from a yogi master only faster.

Vintage Film Clips

For your enjoyment. And stuff.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Japanese People Lying Face Down

An entire page (click links on left) devoted entirely to pictures people send in of themselves lying face down.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Apply Now

No experience? No abilities? No intelligence? No problem! Just fill out this application and check off any or all of your hatreds and pointless leisure activities and you too can be one of GW's talentless cronies who help our country make a mockery of itself every single day.

Disposable Scrabble

Print off a Scrabble board for when you're out and about..

American Interventions

What the U.S. has done outside American borders since 1801.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Things

you were wondering about. Like how often Kim Jong Il perms his hair.

UPDATE: More things here.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Tilton

One of my favorite insane people of all time, Robert Tilton is endlessly amusing whether you keep the sound on or not. Actually I spent the entire month of January 1990 watching his show on cable - years before he went to court and had to pay out hundreds of millions of dollars for defrauding people. I even went to his church in Dallas a year later and a horse walked down the aisle with some guy dressed as Yankee Doodle on top of it while Tilton was speaking in 'tongues'. I wrote an article about him, but the magazine I sent it to had done a spread on Tilton the month before, unfortunately. He's a freak - almost Dickensinian in a way. And there aren't many of those nowadays.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Automatic Cocktail

Just enter your mood, time of day and other requested data, and your cocktail will be determined by the Mixilator.

Hunter S Thompson ESPN Archive

Alas Hunter has been shot out of a cannon in Aspen but his cantankerous columns for ESPN's site still wait for you to read them in an archive..

Carnival Cartoons

Click on 'Animation' for your Ren and Stimpyesque viewing pleasure.

Japanese Nintendo Band

This lovely band's only instrument is the original Nintendo machine from the late 80's. They connect keyboards and samplers to the circuit board, play stuff and then sing along. You can hear the beginnings of a few songs, or buy an album if you wish..

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Whatever Happened To...

..Heritage USA? You know - the multimillion dollar sprawling resort and amusement park founded by Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker in Fort Mill, South Carolina? And then he screwed that whore and was sent to prison for defrauding contributors for 50 years which got reversed on appeal and now he's got a show broadcasting from Branson, Missouri? Well it's completely abandoned now - a ghost town of sorts replete with broken windows, overgrown go-kart tracks and abandoned Olympic sized swimming pools:

"To give you an idea of the size, you could fit the original Disneyland, UK's Blackpoll Pleasure Beach, Six Flags Great America, and Universal Studio's Florida all inside the grounds together, and still have enough room left over to add Cedar Point, Knott's Berry Farm, and little old Geauga Lake Ohio..."

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Just a Soldier

I've been following Jason's blog for a little over a year. Now he has a book out on 10/4 based on his experiences in Iraq. I'm happy for him. As he said in an email about his new book: " I am so excited/nervous, I think I might become incontinent." One of my favorite quotes from his blog (now containing only 'deleted scenes' that aren't in his book): "Communicating with the Iraqis is nearly impossible, so we tend to stick to hand signals. To an Iraqi, the 'thumbs up' used to mean 'up your ass', but now we have taught them that it means 'A-Okay'. This ambiguity is absolutely sublime. Kids all across Iraq (and soldiers) can now use an obscene hand gesture with impunity."

Here's a review of his book.
- Media Player Stream from Morning Sedition, Air America Radio
- KCPW Salt Lake City, UT
- National Public Radio
- Wired

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Falling Woman in Bubbles

I meant to post this months ago, but I lost the link. It's weird to watch. It's innocuous, fantastical, yet seemingly cruel in a non-specific way; the animated woman can't escape the bubble world. I'm sure the dadaists of the early 20th century would have a field day with this. If she gets stuck, you can move her around with your mouse.

UPDATE: After you played with that try it with Bush.

Museum of Coat Hangers

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Cute Animal Quiz

You Are A: Bear Cub!

bear cubBears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Kitten or a Pony
You are least like a: Duckling or a BunnyWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Junk Mail Revenge

Have loads of garbage to get rid of? Throw it in a box and tape that postage-paid envelope that you got with your junk mail and mail it back to them. Bricks, heavy rocks, used car parts, junk in the basement...

Project Gutenberg

No not Steve the actor. As in moveable type printing presses. As in thousands and thousands of books you can read or download online for free.

First Time

Kids in the Hall, one of the best shows ever made in my reality made displaced intelligence seem sane in the Soundgarden or Pearl Jam boredom of the early 90's - at least for me. Unfortunately I never made it to Toronto to see them perform, although I plunked down some cash to see them play live at the State a couple years back which sort of made up for it. Here's one of their early seminal skits.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12



Last Sesame Street post, I promise. This remix of the pinball cartoon that showed effusively on Sesame Street in between puppet skits is well remembered by a generation. I still want to see 'The Lonely Lowercase N' and the 'Loaf of Bread, Container of Milk, and a Stick of Butter' cartoons. Zap me URL's if you've seen them around.

Mahna Mahna

One of the most addictive songs on earth. And now you can see its original incarnation on the Muppet Show in the late 1970s.

Sesame Plants

Ok - I'm somewhat obsessed with Sesame Street - so what, I grew up with it. It apparently exists somewhere on a soundstage in New York and I want to see it before Sony buys it and moves it to Singapore. Anyway, here's some freaks that created giant plant sculptures Sesame style. Which is fantastic.

Cookie Mongoloid

What could possibly be better than Sesame Street speed metal?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Anti-Successories Posters

If you hate Successories posters as much as I do (which means you were trapped for a period of time in the corporate world and had to stare at them in meeting rooms while bored out of your mind) then these posters will make you feel normal.

I once had a real estate meeting with a guy who had a Successories poster in his office, and I sort of sarcastically said - nice poster! Thinking that the company just put them in everyone's office and he hated them. He was like - oh yeah, I love them. I think they're really neat.

I didn't call him back after that.

78 Speed Children's Records

How to Beat the Carnies



Click the title bar.

Top 10 Digital Photography Tips

Those of us who think in film are often irritated by the seemingly random and uncontrollable rules of digital photograph images. This site suggests that there are a few odd things you can do to warm up digital images even with an automatic digital camera to clarify the look. It also gives some additional suggestions for making digital images appear the way you want them, instead of washed out and sterile-looking.

All Orwell's Works

All of George Orwell's writings online. The author of 1984 and Animal Farm (i.e. the Bush Administration) had some accurately prescient ideas about the present-day world half a century ago. The three tenets of Big Brother from his novel '1984' are eerily reflected in modern life:

1) War is Peace
2) Freedom is Slavery
3) Ignorance is Strength

“I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.” - George W. Bush

Orwell was already furious at Cheney's lapdog Bush 50 years before they were appointed by the Supreme Court as a scourge on the planet.

Orwell is always great autumn Saturday afternoon reading - his intelligence and caustic wit make you look at the world in a new way, regardless of your beliefs.

The Green Fairy

Technically illegal in the U.S. - although not a controlled substance. The theory is that absinthe was made illegal in the 1900's because of poor processes which essentially poisoned people. Switzerland has just recently joined France, Germany, Spain, and Czechoslovakia in unbanning absinthe but within European guidelines (relaxed slightly for Germany for some reason - probably because they have the largest economy in Europe...)

Mr. Tingley

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Note to Condi

Actual close-up of the note written to Condoleeza Rice by Bush while meeting with the Security Council in the United Nations building yesterday. Did the unmarried secretary of state give a bathroom pass to the "man" she called her husband in a press conference last year?

Dear Mr President

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend - you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.

Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president,but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "

- Bill Maher

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Bike Sights

Top two weirdest things I've seen while biking along the river this summer:

- A guy biking in the opposite direction with a full soft drink cup on his head
- A man in a baby blue jogging suit biking in the opposite direction playing a harmonica using a hands free harmonica holder around his neck.

Well Put

Monday, September 05, 2005

Um, Pamela Anderson Has Written Two Novels...?

Is this common knowledge? First sentence of her latest, 'Star Struck':
"Why do my nipples hurt? was Star's first thought as she woke from a strangely deep sleep, her hands gliding along her naked body to the tender nipples that had awakened her."

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Life in the 1500's

"Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all - babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread! thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there
for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and hence the saying, "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, hence tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or hence "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and ! wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (hence the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

Friday, September 02, 2005

Things That Actually Matter

"I'm back in Baton Rouge, this time with all of my team. Sadly, we've had to pull out of New Orleans for now because things have gotten too dangerous.

Who would have thought that in a country like ours. not some third world place, mind you, that there would be massive amounts of people trying to inflict harm on the very people that are putting their own lives on hold to help other. It's unreal what we're seeing. The criminal looters (if that's even a strong enough word for them) have been shooting at the helicopters that are the only hope that the city has right now of saving more lives and thereby preventing many more deaths. I can tell you that there isn't a single member of the two teams I'm with that aren't ready to go back in, shooting and all, but the fear is from the higher-ups who can't risk losing the helicopters and the boats. I can't believe it Jon. people of roof tops and in attics will die tonight because sub-human thugs are shooting at the only people who can help anyone right now.

Your friend is normally right to question money that the Red Cross spends to supports itself. Right now, though, they are the only game in town. Give to them and give generously. Word is that the money they get in the next month will go directly to the shelters here in the south so that those running the shelters can buy food and water NOW. They get funds out faster than any other agency and RIGHT NOW is what matters.

If your friend is just really dead-set against giving to them, the Salvation Army is the next best thing. When you donate to them you can designate that you want the money to go to Katrina's victims. There will be much small charities that do really good work popping up in the coming weeks and months but the people down here need money now.

When things settle a bit and I can look into the smaller charities, I'll do some good research and let you know. For now, just give. give to anyone who will take it.

There are people here in Baton Rouge just handing over cash to the shelter operators and walking cash over to the office that New Orleans' mayor is working from while he can't be in his own city.

The news is on right now. Some of the team members are watching coverage for the first time since Sunday night. They're pretty fucking pissed off.

They haven't realized the lack of control that the big emergency operations people are dealing with. They follow orders of the local guys and just do the best they can to save people, save people, save people.

They are only just now seeing that once they risk their necks to save people, the next level of the system isn't in place yet and that the people have to start a whole new struggle to stay alive. Morale is getting low. These guys are tired; they've been working no-stop since we got here. They have mandatory rest breaks, but you don't really rest during them; you're too busy sharing stories and just looking around in disbelief. I can't tell you how many of these guys just come over to me at any given time that they're not in a boat or in the air, put their arms around me and cry.

There have been times on this journey I have hated being here because I can't be doing what these guys are doing, what I used to do, what I dreamed of and loved for so long. But that's not the feeling I have when I sit up against a cement wall, in filthy water, and a guy I've known for years cuddles up in me and sobs. I know that's not the way the public may want to think about their rescuers and their heroes, but that's how it is.

Swinging an axe and breaking into an attic to see if there's anyone there to save and finding a dead family of four instead will bring tears to even the most stoic of people."

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Before and After

Norm (left) when he was still a Democrat and a mayor before trying to win the governor's race (losing miserably to former WWF wrestler, Jesse "The Body" Ventura). Dick Cheney then personally told Bush patsy (now Governor) Tim Pawlenty to vamoose the Senate race so the east coast turncoat would be able to run unopposed against the man Coleman called 'the worst senator in Minnesota history'. Wellstone however, often referred to as the "best senator in Minnesota history", inched ahead of Coleman, and in the days before the election "mysteriously died in a freak plane crash". (Cindy Sheehan's mother had a "sudden stroke" right when her protest story reached the highest level of the news cycle, and had to leave the gates of Guantanamo Bush in Midbrain, Texas to attend to her Mother.)

At any rate, $6,000 later (20% trophy-wife discount applied) and the way smoothed by the removal of both Tim Pawlenty and Paul Wellstone, the Cheney lapdog had new cosmetic teeth and was installed in the Senate to aid in the return of the effective swing vote of Cheney's occasional presiding role in the Senate. In other words, Jar-Jar Binks.

UPDATE: Coleman ingratiates himself with the American Dental Association.

12 for 12

Thanks to White Castle you can get a year's subscription to Mad magazine for 12 bucks. Oh - and if you buy ten sliders, you get one at the counter.

Greg the Bunny - Episode 1

Annie Hall Style.

The Real World

Friday, August 19, 2005

Celebrities Playing Ping Pong

Caffeine, Spiders, and Other Drugs

Hunter S Thompson Sendoff Tomorrow

The cannons are in place, the 400 person outdoor bar with chandeliers has been constructed, the fireworks are ready, and the 2 million dollar price tag has been paid for by Johnny Depp for the celebration at Owl Farm tomorrow night. The celebrataion will be marked by shooting his ashes over the property with a giant cannon constructed in the shape of his own Gonzo symbol.